robotmom

I have a nickname that I am not particularly proud of, ROBOTMOM. I didn’t get it in a fun way, and I don’t know that I like it very much, but my inner sociopath kind of likes the nickname and has a lot of fun making fun of me for having it. It was given to me by a mental health professional more than 10 years ago and it kind of fits me.

I am not a person with big feelings about stuff. I’ll let you in on a little secret, for me expressing my feelings to the world is not something I do well.  I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve!  The origin story for ROBOTMOM is somewhat amusing, at least it is to me and my inner sociopath. 

One of my kids, not to be named, was in therapy for something, not to be named and they were going to a therapist, again not to be named.  HA! Sounds like one of those redacted, top-secret documents, like anyone really cares about it.

https://fastercapital.com/topics/the-mystery-behind-redacted-documents.html

There is a moment when your kids are in therapy, that the therapist wants to talk to the parents.  Now I only know my story, but I am betting that there are other parents out there who totally get what’s coming next.  Wait for it…. It’s like a bad movie scene in slow motion.

Therapist says calmly “Mom, YOU SUCK AS A PARENT AND ALL YOUR KID’S PROBLEMS ARE BECAUSE OF YOU!”

Mom slowly falls to the ground, clutching her heart and dies! (THE END)

Well neither my inner nor outer sociopath liked this conversation!  My inner had to hold my outer back cause there was going to be a rumble and someone’s ass was getting kicked. This was the session that I was on the hotseat, the therapist starting telling me about all the things that I was doing wrong as a parent and how it affected my child. She told me I had no feelings and that was why my child was having issues. I guess she thought she knew me very well, after all, my child had seen her about 5 times for maybe an hour each time while I sat in her waiting room. Yeah, I guess that’s enough time to know someone through another person and then judge them, accuse them, and make them feel like a failure as a mom. What do you think?

https://www.today.com/life/relationships/questions-to-ask-to-get-to-know-someone-rcna39326

So, in perfect sociopath style, I said a few bad words, maybe to the therapist out loud, I think I may have blacked out for a few moments so I can’t be sure. Next thing I remember, we are in the car driving away and all future appointments with this therapist had been cancelled.

Now we could have left it at that, but my inner sociopath could not let it go.  ROBOTMOM, hmmm sounds like a little fun can happen here.  So, my lovely little, slightly damaged child and I decided that we liked the ROBOTMOM thing. I can’t remember who started it, but we found our inner/outer sociopaths playing a little game about ROBOTMOM.  We would talk in robotic voices saying things like “I am Robotmom, I have no feelings, no one can hurt me.” We would pull out Robotmom anytime something seemed like it was about feelings. We would do robotic things with our hands and arms and walk around like a robot.

https://medium.com/@jade.cessna/the-art-of-being-a-robot-and-why-it-makes-you-happier-b454c9946822

At this point, I am thinking, in retrospect, that maybe the therapist was right since my child was clearly enjoying this little game of being a robot and not having any feelings.  But I have to say (for all you Robotmoms out there), just because I didn’t easily express my feelings didn’t mean that I didn’t have any feelings! In the end, my child is fine, we occasionally still play ROBOTMOM, and my inner sociopath and I rewrote that bad movie scene. It went from a traumatic drama to something more like an action film.

Therapist says calmly “Mom, YOU SUCK AS A PARENT AND ALL YOUR KID’S PROBLEMS ARE BECAUSE OF YOU!”

Mom silently pulls a large Swarovski bedazzled stun gun out of her vintage Gucci bag and presses it against the therapists forehead, pulls the trigger and with a rush of happy feelings (yes I was having big feelings) says with a long sociopathic laugh, “NO YOU SUCK AS A THERAPIST, we are outta here!”

As the evil therapist, spasms and falls to the ground, Mom, and child jump on Roombas and roll out in true robotic fashion to their waiting flying car.  And the two heroes in the story, ROBOTMOM and ROBOTKID lived happily ever after. (THE END) ACTION MUSIC plays as we fly off into the distance.

We all have those moments that we feel like we are the worst parent in the world. Just when you think your child will be scarred forever by your lousy parenting, you think, “this too shall pass”.  Give it time, you’ll feel better about your mistakes just in time to make another one.  In true sociopath fashion, try not to care so much!

Did someone make you feel like a bad parent? Tell me about it. Was it a therapist, teacher,  nosy neighbor, or family member? Tell me how they thought they knew you when they didn’t have a clue. How did you handle it?  I’d love to hear your tips and tricks.