bad news zoom call

I want to talk about bad news. Well, I don’t really want to talk about bad news, that’s the point. Bad things happen, good things happen, nothing happens. In any situation I am perfectly fine with my socio self, not sharing anything, good or bad with the rest of the world.  It’s kind of my socio-thing!

But there comes a time in everyone’s life when you have some really bad news that you have to share. For me, who hates bad, who hates news, who hates sharing, it’s a nightmare. I don’t want to have to repeat the same sad, woe-is-me story more than once or twice.  So in the spirit of being able to talk about the sad stuff only once, I am inventing the Bad News Zoom Call. It’s the one stop, say it only once, send it to all your friends so they can get the bad news and I can be done with it.

It’s kind of like the Family Christmas letters that people send, except the opposite, the news is bad, the story is one no one really wants to hear because it doesn’t end well. Wait, in that aspect it is exactly like the Family Christmas letters, because no one really wants to hear those! It would be recorded, so anyone who missed the live version would be able to get the recording later.  Anything that would keep me from having to tell the same sad story multiple times, would be great.

When you have a sad story, a tragic story that happens in your world, every time you have to tell the story to someone else, it brings up all those big feelings. I hate big feelings; I’ve been clear about that. What I hate more than big feelings are big feelings that linger. I prefer to express or really (in true socio fashion) NEVER express my big feelings. I want them to come out in private, one-time, no repeats.  The only person who knows my true sorrow might be my pillow, and my pillow doesn’t talk! When you tell your bad story, you get to have the big feelings and then lock them away in the back of your socio mind and never let them come out again. Is this healthy? I don’t know.  Is it the best way to handle problems? In my socio mind, YES!  I think we all have to figure out how to continue to be human and get to the new normal after the bad stuff has sucked the joy out of you.  

So back to my “Bad News Zoom Call” and how I would do it.  I would email an invite to anyone who I thought would like to know the bad news. If they did not show up on the call, they would be sent the recording, that’s it. Professional, clinical, no feelings needed; just like my inner socio would prefer. All microphones would be muted, except mine.  The chat would be closed. There would not be any Q & A at the end.  On the day of the Bad News Zoom Call, I would have my slide deck ready to go, short, clean and to the point. There is something glorious about a perfect PowerPoint. It would help me keep any big feelings out of it. My Zoom background would be dark, kind of like I was an evil villain. Or maybe I would have dim lighting looking like I was hiding in the shadows so no one could see those big feelings in case they came up, spontaneously.  Yes, I am ready to begin.

I’d start by sharing my screen and put my little darkly hidden sad face circle in the right-hand corner. Here are the topics we are going to cover on today’s Bad News Zoom Call:

Slide 1- Title- Bad News Zoom Call by Me

Slide 2-Agenda- What happened.

                               When it happened.

                                Why it happened.

                                Spontaneous Feelings Break (if needed)

                                What you can do to help.

                                 Why saying nothing is better than saying something stupid

                                 Action Items

                                 Conclusion

                                  Adjourned

Slide 3-Thank you for attending. Let’s never speak of this again.  The recording will be sent out within 24 hours. Have a nice day and don’t forget to mind your business.

After the call it would be like a press conference, except there are no reporters and no one gets to ask any questions.  It’s kind of like some of the politicians these days; I would push through the crowd and escape into my waiting limousine with a raised “talk to the hand” gesture, muttering “No comment please!”  The limo drives straight to my house. My secret service men rush me to the door. I get inside, lock up, and go straight to my bedroom. My pillow is waiting and it’s still not talking.