hell no

Being a self-proclaimed socio, most of my daily life is dark already.  I usually wake up salty because I have to get out of my nice warm, soft bed.  I have to tend to pets, let out dogs, feed cats and forage for food for all.  Some days I wake up and just think HELL NO and go back to bed.

Recently, because of the strange world we live in and because of the unfortunate events that have happened to me I have a new reason to say HELL NO.  Grief. Grief is funny.  Well not funny haha, but funny strange funny.  The funniest part is the awkward way that humans deal with grief. Grief is personal.  Grief is different for each person.  Grief is something that no two people experience the same way.   Grief for a socio like me is a solitary task.  When someone is grieving, there are no right words, but there are so, so many wrong words.  (Whoever said there are no wrong words was LYING in a great big fat pants on fire way!)

Now, I want to help those who are grieving and those who are trying to find the right words to say to someone who is grieving. But instead of giving you a list of things not to say to a socio (or any other human being) who is going through grief, I am going to give you a list of the socio replies to things that people should not have said to someone like me going through grief.  You can score yourself at the end if you can guess what the UDA (unknown dumb ass) said. PS-don’t look UDA up on Urban dictionary unless you want to be a little shocked and possibly disgusted.

In no particular order and not grouped by a single UDA as there are so many deranged UDAs just walking around like regular people.

1. No, I don’t want to talk about it. (pretty basic)
2. No, you don’t know how I feel. (unless you are me)
3. No, you can’t have a lock of their hair as a keepsake! (why oh why oh why would anyone say this out loud?)
4. No, you can’t have a piece of their jewelry (or anything else) as a keepsake! (so you can sell it later loser?)
5. No, you can’t wait in the hospital parking lot to be close to them! (stalker-like and super creepy)
6. No, you can’t come to the house when the family is gathering. (since you are NOT family)
7. No, they are not in a better place. (what place would that be,  not everyone believes that!)
8. No, I don’t want you to call me. (see #1, I still DON”T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!)
9. No, you don’t get to compare it to when your mother, father, grandma, neighbor down the street, or random old person died. (all over the age of 80, come on people do better!)
10. No, everything does not happen for a reason. (WTF reason would that be?)
11. No, I won’t bring the urn(as my plus one) to your wedding. (hard to believe someone would actually say this, isn’t it?)
12. No, there really is nothing you can do for me.  (Unless you can do magic and bring people back from the dead.)

At the end of the day, for regular people (or socio people like me), the best words you can say are short, sweet and from the heart.

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“I’m keeping you in my prayers.”

“I’m sending you kind wishes.”

Then close your mouth. Walk away. Leave us to grieve. We are already crawling back into bed under the warm covers. And we really appreciate the fact that we didn’t have to think HELL NO yet again. Thanks for that.