put a fork in my ear

How do you make someone stop talking? My socio soul has little voice that sometimes screams inside my head, “shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!”  But the outside world cannot hear it. I wish I had the ability to not hear the person talking.  I can sing la la la inside my head, but the person is still talking. What do I do to make it stop? Put a fork in my ear?

I don’t quite understand the concept of oversharing. But it happens all the time. I am sure I do it as well, only I have no idea I am doing it. Wait a minute, maybe they don’t know either? There should be a universal signal that everyone knows and then, like magic, they just stop talking. I have a few suggestions, let’s see what you think. 

In the olden days, pre-Covid, when everyone did everything IRL, or in-person, we had simple ways to make someone stop talking. A simple elbow to the side, pinch on the arm or kick under the table, (with a stern look)  was enough to make someone stop talking. I guess we were a little bit violent, maybe. But it worked and we got to give someone a mini smack down at the same time. Win-win!

When I was in college, I had a friend who was the Queen of Oversharing.  She had a hard childhood and within 2 minutes of meeting her you knew every detail.  Unfortunately, since we hung out a lot, I heard the same sad story over and over and over.  I could tell the story for her if I wanted to.  What I really wanted was to make the verbal vomit stop!  Yes, it was sad, yes, her parents were the worst, yes, she had overcome a lot, yes, on and on and on. After a while, when we would meet someone, I would find a reason to go anywhere. Suddenly, I needed something to drink or a bathroom break or perhaps I had forgotten something in the classroom and needed to run back.  Anything to make it stop and not have to listen to the same story yet again.  PLEASE PUT A FORK IN MY EAR!

A few years later, we had lost touch, I called her house, trying to reconnect.  Oh snap, big mistake. Her soon-to-be ex-husband, coincidentally also an over sharer, decided to tell me all about their marital problems, including her cheating, lying and eventually leaving him for the furnace repair man, (true story here). These are fun facts that I never needed to know! I could not make him stop telling me every gory detail while my internal socio screamed in vain. (It was before cell phones, when you could pretend to lose a signal or go into a tunnel and lose the call.) Now, you can do the “can you hear me now?” and hang up like the call had dropped. Haha, no forks needed!

Today’s kids, ok one of my kids, recently told me about a new term  for oversharing. It’s called “trauma dumping”. She recently experienced this when she met up with someone she went to high school with.  As the person went on and on telling her all the inappropriate details of her last relationship, she could do nothing but nod, look sympathetic, wish for them to finish or pray for a fork. Even though the term had changed, the horror had not. Why oh why do people continue to overshare, trauma dump and have no clue that they are doing it?

At the end of the day, whatever you call it, whenever it starts,  let’s make it stop! Try these suggestions:

1. A violent smack down
2. An urgent need to relieve your bladder
3. A “bad” cell phone connection
4. Wishes and prayers
5. A fork in your ear!

PS- You might want to stock up on forks.