lost and found

I’m trying to stay on a positive note these days, but I started thinking about feeling lost.  The world is big and time moves on whether we like it or not.  Just like you can’t stop the rain, you can’t stop time. What if you were lost and couldn’t find yourself?  Where do you look for yourself?  Is there a lost and found department somewhere that you can go to find yourself? Your joy? Your soul? Your purpose? Your mojo?

So, let’s talk about finding yourself.  Myself. You. Me. Who will help us? It’s like Finding Nemo where the dad is looking for his little fish, except the role of the lost little fish and the dad looking for him is played by the same person, you! Or me.

So many questions and so little time! (Remember you can’t stop time.) Did we know we were lost?  Was anyone looking for us? Do we have to look for ourselves by ourselves? When did we get lost? And the most important question, how will we know when we are found?  Yikes!  Think about THAT for one hot minute.

I think people lose themselves because life is just happening IRL no stopping it.  Kind of redundant, ya think? We put other people’s needs and wants above our own.  When you get married, have a kid, have an aging parent, all of those big life events fill up your time, something has to give.  It is usually a little piece of yourself that gets lost to make room for the next big thing that is happening to you. So just as those big life events are ending, you get divorced, your kids grow up and move out, someone dies, the time comes back. Time is found, but you have already lost some of those pieces of yourself.  Can you find them again? Are they gone forever?

Let’s go back in time, together.  Think about when you were younger and you had time to do things you liked. What were those things?  I used to read books by the dozen.  I was always in the library checking out books and reading them cover to cover as fast as I could read. I loved to learn about new things.  I would read encyclopedias when I could get my hands on one. My mom would buy them from the grocery store, one volume at a time for like 99 cents. I know that sounds weird but there was no internet, no home video games so we had to play outside and go to the library to get books. That was growing up in the 70’s. Not that I grew up in the 70’s…maybe I did, maybe I didn’t, I’m not telling.

My birthday is coming up. It’s a BIG ONE! While most people choose January 1st to make their resolutions, set their yearly goals, decide to get healthier, get a new job, go back to school, all that self-improvement stuff; I choose to do this in August, on my birthday. I think that might be why I feel lost every year around this time since I am deciding what I want to do, be or grow up to be (like socio right?), around my birthday. It usually starts about a month out, when I am planning what to do, where to go, or who to spend time with on my birthday. (Did I tell you my birthday is coming up?) LOL

In true socio fashion, I choose to spend at least some of my birthday alone. I can eat ice cream for breakfast and cereal for dinner! And I probably will. I can shop for purses, or fishing gear or power tools, the choices are all mine.  I want to revel in the pleasure of nothing and no one. No expectations, no pressure, no responsibilities, no one to take care of, no judgement, nothing but me. 

WAIT!

I take the judgement part back. There is judgement, but here it is again, the accused, judge and jury are all being played by me.  It’s a tough gig. We all judge ourselves.  Every Jan 1, when you are deciding what your resolutions are, you are judging yourself; deciding what you are not doing and trying to make a change, an improvement to be a better you. It’s not easy, that’s why they say that most New Year’s resolutions are broken by the end of January. As a matter of fact, the second Friday of January is known as “Quitter’s Day.”  Welcome to another club that you didn’t know you had joined!

Time to find yourself! Be Nemo and his dad with me. At exactly 12 noon July 2^nd the midpoint of the year hits. It is a great time to reset your expectations and decide how you will “find” yourself, your joy, your mojo, your soul, your purpose for the rest of the year.  No one is looking for you or me, we have to find ourselves.  What do you want to do with the rest of your year?  Or life really? Time is not waiting; time is speeding up. Think about what you used to do, how much you loved it and how you can get back to that you, the one where you felt you were living your best life. The great part is that YOU get to choose. GO FIND YOURSELF!

And if I happen to find me, I’ll let you know. I know I am out there somewhere; I’ll just have to keep swimming.