fast, furious and a little pink vomit

There’s a saying, the more things change, the more they stay the same. This can apply to sooooo many things. Today I want to talk about kid’s play places, (and vomit)

I had the pleasure (really displeasure) of being at an indoor play place with my grandson last week. While I love watching him play, he reminds me of my sons when they were little. So much little boy energy, always in motion, only sleeping to dream about what wild things they were going to do when they woke up! I do not enjoy the play, the place, other people’s kids, and just about everything else about a play place. They are usually overcrowded, under cleaned, loud, dirty, you name it, everything a socio like me would usually avoid. But the stuff we do for our kids, and in my current socio world, grandkids.

I want to take you back in time to when my kids were the little maniacs running amok at the play places. There was an exceptionally large play place near my house that I tried to avoid like it was the plague. Honestly, it kind of was, a pre-pandemic breeding ground. Large, noisy, dirty, thousands (well probably not that many) of dirty little scoundrels running around, torturing each other, blowing snot, feces, and other bodily fluids all over the place. As much as I hated it, the kids loved it a thousand times more. It was called Caesar land; us parents called it Disease-a-land. It was a petri dish of sorts; it kept us guessing about what new illness our kids would bring home each time they visited. And bring it home they did.

One week it was ringworm, next week it could be stomach flu, the following week it might be hand-foot-mouth disease. Who came up with these names? Every time you visited a play place it was like playing Russian roulette with an illness in every chamber. Of course, we never thought about the fact that we adults could get the illnesses too! Even as adults we are just as likely to catch every disease our kids brought home. What parent didn’t treat their own hair when the “lice note” came home from school? Only the dumb ones! LOL Tiny little combs, smelly shampoo, UGH. Right now, as I am writing this, my head feels itchy thinking about those tiny bugs crawling on my head. Pause, let’s all scratch, scratch together. Good times!

Thinking about kids’ play places and the germy, patient zero hazard that play places can be, reminds me of a time when we had our own science experiment on how many days it takes for everyone in the house  to catch a stomach-vomit-virus situation and how bad it can be. Buckle up!

Day 1- Patient zero

Kid one, remember I have four, tells me they have a tummy ache. Crap! How I wish it were only crap coming out of them. It turned into a wild ride of “how fast can you walk, run, push, pull a kid to the toilet” so you don’t have to clean up a  trail of vomit after you stepped in it at 3 in the morning. Spoiler alert, we were not fast but boy I was furious. It was the start of something evil this way comes for the next week.

Day 2- There’s a fungus among us…

Kid one is getting better, thanks God! Kid two is feeling a “little weird.” That’s code for “vomit is coming!” The question is, will there be any overlap? Will I have two little vomit bombers, if they can make to the toilet, racing to get there first? Pun intended, not 2 Fast but I was 2 Furious. And yes, this did happen. BTW-there was a solution as long as you have a bathtub. How’s that for a visual?

Day 3-  What in the name of hell did you eat?

Kid one is all better, Kid two is getting better, Kid three is a turbo charged non-stop vomit machine, Kid 4 is just plain SCARED. They should be. Me, I have become an expert at getting vomit off of any surface in the middle of the night while half asleep. Score, that’s a talent that you never think you will need until you (hahaha) need it. However, when you have to get on a ladder to clean pink and brown vomit off the white bathroom walls because your kid couldn’t hit the toilet bowl if his life depended on it, and you can’t figure out how he got the vomit on the ceiling in the first place. Yes, I swear there was pink vomit on the ceiling! Just in case you are wondering, Kid 3 had eaten chocolate-covered strawberries. (True story here and that kid knows who they are!)  

Day 4- Just when you think it’s over…

Kids one, two and three are mostly good. Kid four is at the end and starting to drink a little soda. I am starting to feel like I might make it to the end. Four kids, four days, no sleep, the faint smell of vomit wafting through the air, easy, peasy. I got this! I’m good, it’s over. No, no, no, yes, yes, yes. FUN FACT- adults CAN get stomach flu too. And I did, did, did. We just became the fast five. Still not fast, but extra furious. At this point, reinforcements must be called in. Grandma to the rescue while I made the toilet my BFF.

Day 5 or maybe Day 6- End of the road, who knows at this point?

I am exhausted. Kids are all better. Some are even eating real food. Well, they are eating the same “real” kid food that they always ate, you know mac and cheese, pizza, French fries. The smell of vomit is fading, puddles of vomit are gone, and no one is scared. Me and the toilet have ended our close friendship, amicably. I can almost see the rainbow and the pot of gold. Then the dog vomits. Sigh…When will the Fast Saga end?

PS- Last FUN FACT- Dogs CAN get stomach flu from humans. (Cats too!)