wish you were dead (as a strategy)

Today I want to talk about wishing people dead. It’s terrible. I know.  I feel kind of bad. Or do I? Maybe I don’t feel that bad about it.  But have you ever had someone push all your buttons so hard that you wished they were dead. Or maybe just a little bit dead. Or as I thought today, if I saw this person lying in the street dying and knew only I could help them, I would spit on them as I walked by. Yeah I thought it. I own my truth. I don’t particularly like that I had that thought about someone but I did and I admit it. 

So what does someone have to do to me for me to kind of wish them dead? Well it takes a lot, cause usually, in true socio fashion, I don’t let people bother me.  I have a theme for this new year, “It’s not my problem, woo-hoo!” Yes it’s a song and a good one at that. But I tried singing it today a few times as my day went on and it just got a little bit worse with every waking moment.  It worked at first, especially the WOO-HOO part. And then as the day wore on, it stopped working. Probably because some of the things that were bothering me are kind of my problem.  Well, not exactly my problem, I didn’t cause the problems, but problems I have to solve or help solve.  So “it’s not my problem”  turned into, it is my problem. Next came avoidance.

So I tried to push the problems that I am supposed to, expected to, need to, solve into avoidance mode. Yes, it was my strategy. Now I didn’t say it was a good strategy, more like something I would try. So I went to lunch sort of.  Well, lunch was really a problem solving expedition, of course, but it was better than facing the other problems, that weren’t really MY problems, but they were problems I was expected to solve. So for lunch, I went to find a package that wasn’t my package but it was a package that had gotten lost because of the  delivery people who can’t read addresses. Well I think they can read addresses but they don’t care if they drop something at the wrong address. (Yes! I am sure this has happened to everyone!) And this package was a 200 pound, 7 foot tall, 2 foot wide package that was somewhere that wasn’t my house. It was lost until it wasn’t, and then it was my problem.

I tried to ignore this problem, cause really it was my kid’s problem. It was the kid’s gift from me that went to the wrong house, all 200 pounds of it.  But then, there was a nice police officer and two grandmas (in my grandson’s POV) who wouldn’t let us pretend that the package was still lost. So in order to avoid my own work related problems, I chose willingly to troubleshoot the 200 pound problem instead.  But there were tacos at the end. Good tacos. (Wow this story took a turn.) So after finding, dragging, driving and using physics to move the 200 pound package,  it was taco time and the day was better. But it didn’t last. But at least I wasn’t wishing anyone dead at that moment.

So at some point I was back home, eating tacos, (happy sigh) tacos make everything better. But the taco moment didn’t last. The problems, that I didn’t cause, that I had been trying to resolve, were still there. But again, no death wishes at this point.

So I made it to the end of the day.  Amen! Thinking I had made it to the sweet spot, done working, chilling, thinking about nothing, until someone from the past reaches out.  Of course there is a problem, once again, you didn’t make the problem, someone else made the problem.  But the blast from the past, more like ass from the past, is back.  I tried everything to fix this problem, it’s really out of my control, but the ass can’t help themselves. When they were in my life, they did everything they could to make my life miserable. And once they left my universe, it was a much better universe. But it didn’t last cause they were still breathing…

It’s not like they left the planet; they just moved on, I moved on.  But they are out there. Waiting. Watching. You know if they can, they will cause trouble. And then they do. Can’t run. Can’t hide. But then my new strategy emerges, black wishing.  It’s not my finest strategy, but what can I say?   At least I have a strategy. 

Wish you were dead as a strategy! Stay tuned.

This ones for you J, you know who you are. 😦