zombie jesus day

It’s a been a bit since my last note, been busy, but today I want to talk about a holiday when you are not a part of the “in” crowd. I’m Jewish from birth. I don’t understand most of the Christian holidays. And that’s ok. My socio self doesn’t really care.  I find it quite funny that sometimes when I learn about a Christian holiday, I don’t get the why of what people do to celebrate.  It’s weird. Let’s talk about Easter, or in my mind, Zombie Jesus Day.  Everyone wishing me a Happy Easter feels odd for so many reasons, especially because when I learned the story of Easter, it felt more horrifyingly sad than happy. More like a bad horror movie TBH.  Jesus being murdered, nailed to a cross (not a great way to die) in the book of “Nice Ways to Die” (I might add this is not a real book as far as I know). He comes back as a ghost or really a Zombie (since he had a body) or the Holy Spirit? Yeah now I am really confused.

Then there’s a bunny and eggs. WTF.  I have read the story of the Jesus and Easter and there is nothing that says they had bunnies that brought (laid?) eggs.  I found something that talks about coloring eggs red to represent the blood of Christ. Ok, I can kind of see a connection, but still not a happy moment.  Bloody eggs that a bunny brings and hides. Why in the hell would I want to look for bloody eggs?  Yeah, still don’t get it. I am even more horrified by the thought of kids looking for bloody eggs that represent Jesus’s blood. Nope, not a holiday for me.

Then there’s the bunny; let’s talk about him. He represents fertility and new life. According to Pagan history (gotta love those Pagans who make everything a good time!) the bunny came to be from Germanic Folklore with a story of an egg laying hare, the Osterhase, that left candy and eggs for good children in nests (that nasty plastic grass that shows up in your Easter baskets). Ok, not a believable story, but I guess the people who came to the US back in the 1700s wanted a nicer way to celebrate Easter with the kids. I think that having bloody eggs and tiny little crosses with Jesus attached to them, wasn’t really a good visual for the kiddos.  I can see that, maybe.

There is a lot more to unwrap about Easter, probably too much for me to touch upon in just one little story. There’s lent, giving something up for 40 days as a type of self-denial to remind yourself of repentance. Ok, I can see that one. However, I’m not sure why giving up candy, smoking, watching TV or lying is something you give up for lent. I think most people shouldn’t lie on a regular basis anyway, so in my socio mind, you don’t get credit for not lying. How about you just not lie in your daily life, not just for 40 days around Easter. Probably good advice.  Smoking? Same as lying, don’t smoke. Eating candy?  How much candy do you eat that it’s such a big deal to not eat it for 40 days.  I could go on, but you get it.

I want to share a story about one of my first experiences with Easter as an adult. I had a good friend, she was more like family, (my second mom, I called her) who after I had my first child, wanted to introduce Easter to both of us. Because I loved my second mom dearly, I was like, ok, I can do this.  Who doesn’t need a little more faith, love, and spirituality in their life?  Even a socio like me could do this.  My daughter turned 1 in December and because she was ½ Christian, I thought it would be good for her. 

So we went to church with my friend, every week leading up to Easter. My friend was Lutheran and the church she went to was a nice church, friendly, welcoming with not a lot of people every week, just my style. I was not a people lover, even back then, but I hid it better. So every week we went to church, pulled up in the parking lot, parked in front, went into the church, had plenty of seating, nice quiet service, spiritual, lovely and soothing. Then it was Easter week.

Of course I wanted to go because we had been leading up to this for months. I bought my daughter an Easter dress, Easter shoes and a little white hat to wear to church.  She looked flipping adorable! We climbed in the car, drove to church and tried to pull into the parking lot. That’s where the unhinged chaos began. The lot was FULL, not just full, someone was directing traffic while cars came out of nowhere looking for spots to park.  Who were all these people, where did they come from, why were they here today and more importantly where had they been all these months on Sundays?

We finally parked and walked into the church. It was horrific. People everywhere, crying babies, kids running around, loud talking, what had happened to our lovely sanctuary? It had been taken over by “fair-weather” Christians. You know the ones who show up for a holiday but never again. Christmas and Easter, only 2 days a year in a church! I was surprised but not really. These were the same lying, smoking, TV watching candy eaters. I think they may have been ready to explode with all the self-denial for the last 40 days!

So today, please have a Happy Easter, or (as I prefer to call it) Happy Zombie Jesus Day! Make sure you celebrate by smoking, eating lots of candy, watching TV or telling the most lies you can today, whatever makes you happiest!