no one plans a murder out loud

Today I want to talk about Silence. Silence is golden. The full idiom is “speech is silver, but silence is golden” meaning that words are important, but sometimes it is better to say nothing. Source: theidioms.com This phrase was translated from German to English in 1831 by poet Thomas Carlyle. I found that there are many other interesting quotes on silence,

Most of us know how to say nothing; few of us know when. ANONYMOUS

One nice thing about silence is that it can’t be repeated. GARY COOPER

Quiet persons are welcome everywhere. THOMAS FULLER

https://www.theidioms.com/silence-is-golden/

https://www.forbes.com/quotes/theme/silence/

These quotes on silence are great but my new favorite quote about silence is Never Mistake My Silence as Agreement, No One Plans a Murder Out Loud.

Have you ever been on a call or in a conversation, where you got so angry that you were unable to speak? Sometimes your inner sociopath takes over and there is nothing good in your thoughts. You are struggling for words to express all the big feelings you are having but no words are nice, no words are professional, no words can be unsaid. Lots of thoughts pop into your head, but they are mean, nasty, and most likely a swear word. My mom used to say if you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all.  It is ingrained in me, but when my thoughts turn evil, I use that time to let my inner sociopath dream it’s wildest dreams of revenge and retribution. Is this healthy?  Probably not, but it does let me control my angry thoughts and words and not get myself in trouble, fired or say hurtful things to other people. (Let me add that it doesn’t always work.)

Scenario- Recently I was on a call, and something was said that was so offensive and wrong that I could not speak.  As I struggled to find my words, the conversation continued. My inner sociopath was giving me all kinds of mean things to say, but nothing seemed appropriate. Just when I thought I could get away with my mom’s “if you can’t say something nice,” I was addressed by name.  “F, we assume by your silence that you agree with what we decided.”  At this point my inner sociopath was screaming, WAIT, WHAT, HAVE THEY LOST THEIR MINDS? Then my catch phrase for silence popped in my head,  Never Mistake My Silence as Agreement, No One Plans a Murder Out Loud.

Was I really planning their murders?  Maybe… Throat punches? Pillow smothering? Death by Chocolate?  There are probably a million ways to comedically murder someone. 

https://www.cbr.com/best-murder-mystery-comedy-movies-of-all-time/

As much as I know that there is a sociopath living deep inside my brain, that alter ego is on the mild side of the sociopathic spectrum. During that silence I had time to talk myself down from murder to being able to respond in a calm manner that I did not agree with the conversation and that I needed more time to come up with an alternative solution.  I was able to manage my inner sociopath in about 10 minutes. This is not to say that it is easy. I can remember in the past, needing hours or overnight or days to get to the point where I no longer was planning a murder, but I was calm enough to discuss a bad situation and come up with a solution.  I can remember telling someone, “I can’t talk about this now, I have to go” or saying I needed to sleep on something before it got resolved.

https://hbr.org/2023/12/a-simple-way-to-make-better-decisions

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/you-need-take-time-think-fast-decisions-usually-wrong-praveen-bv/

The moral to this story, if there is one, is that when confronted with an unbearable, unreasonable, or seemingly unsolvable situation, start with silence, spend that time calming yourself down and then ask for more time to come up with a solution.  Your inner sociopath will always tempt you with the crazy revenge, murder, or other evil thoughts but you have to resist letting them take you to the dark side.

Tell me about your “Silence would have been golden moments”  What was the situation?  What happened?  Did you remain silent? Did you make the situation better?  Or did your inner sociopath take over and make it worse?  How do you calm yourself down in a stressful conversation? Or on the flip side, how do you plan funny murders or retribution? I want to hear from you.