evil don’t die quick

Although most people are familiar with the phrase, “only the good die young”, I want to talk about the flipside, more socio version of that phrase, “evil don’t die quick”. The phrase came to me a few years ago, from one of my kids. We had a situation, funny, no not really funny, but it was something that kept happening to my family at least 4 times that I can remember, we thought Mom was dead.  Now I know you are thinking that someone’s mom being dead isn’t funny at all.  And you are mostly correct, in general death is not funny even to my socio soul.  But the circumstances surrounding Mom’s multiple “cheating death situations” are kind of funny looking back.

Death cheat #1 happened at my house; Mom lived with me for about 25 years. One night, I heard a noise that was unusual.  I couldn’t quite place it so I paused and listened. I heard nothing more.  So, I thought I would go about my evening as usual, taking the kids to the open house at the school. We started to leave but then, the silence was bothering me.  Mom was always making noise, blowing her nose, blaring the TV (like the deaf woman that she was), yelling at my brother, flushing toilets.  The quiet was odd.  Something had to be wrong.  I go down the stairs calling her name. All the lights are off. It’s only 6pm but she’s old and goes to bed early. No answer. Nowhere in sight. Not in the living room, kitchen or bedroom. Not in the bathroom, not outside. I flip on the bedroom light, not in bed. Wondering where she could be, I turn to leave and catch a glimpse of her laying flat on her back on the floor, a red round puddle of blood forming around her head.  OMG, that’s it, she’s dead. She looks dead, she’s not moving, there’s blood. DEAD. I start to panic. Then suddenly she bolts up and sits up. She’s talking gibberish. Speaking in tongues? I’m trying to figure out what’s happening.  She’s not dead. Call 911! Ambulance comes.  She’s refusing treatment, she’s not going with them, now she’s fine.  Back from the dead. Go away Grim Reaper. EVIL DON’T DIE QUICK!

Death cheat # 2 also two happened at my house. I come home after some school activity with the kids. It’s 9pm. House is quiet, Mom is sleeping.  My kids and I walk in and one of them says, “what’s that smell?” I take a deep breath and then I’m gasping. There’s a gas leak!  Holy crap. I check my stove; I’m sniffing the air. “Don’t turn on any lights, we could blow up the house!”  I throw open the basement door, thinking I’d better check the furnace. A blast of gas smell hits me in the face.  I double down the stairs in the dark(remember don’t turn anything on!)  trying to find the source of the gas but also thinking Mom is in a (ironically) DEAD sleep in her bedroom. Did the gas take over and she’s dead in the bed? I look in her bed, she’s out, not moving. Is she breathing?  Am I too late?  DEAD? Again? I call her name, no answer. I touch her arm, she jolts awake, screaming, WHAT, WHAT’S HAPPENING? She almost scares the life out of me.  Gas, smell gas, now I’m talking gibberish. I am running around opening windows and doors. Trying to air the house out. She sits up like WTF was my problem.  Not concerned, sort of mad I woke her up.  I finally realize, she has left the burners on the stove on.  She tried to cook, the burner didn’t light, she didn’t turn them off. Oh well, she went to bed.  Gas has been leaking into the house since 3pm.  It’s 9pm. Even 6 hours of gas leak couldn’t take her. Death had lost the battle again. EVIL DON’T DIE QUICK!

Would Death cheat # 3 be the (sadly) charm? This time Mom was in the hospital, she was having problems walking, losing her balance. She had fallen. Now at the hospital, she wasn’t getting better.  They couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. Finally, an answer, a UTI was the problem.  She wasn’t responding well to meds.  Was this it?  We were all told to go see her, this might be it.  It seemed silly that a UTI could take down the woman who had survived a split open head and a gas leak.  We rush to the hospital to be at her bedside. We find her wide-awake yelling, GET ME OUT OF THIS DAMN HOSPITAL! She wants to go home. Well Death, strike 3, pack it up, she’s not going with you this time either. Score is now- Death 0, Mom 3.  We take her home. EVIL DON’T DIE QUICK!

Death wasn’t giving up; the final showdown came a few years later.  Mom was older, 82. She was in a nursing home and her health was actually ok.  She had some dementia and didn’t know who was coming and going. I kept telling my sister to pretend like she was me, mom wouldn’t know the difference.  I needed to go see her; she wasn’t doing great. Old age. I figured I had time, cats had 9 lives, Mom had only used up about 3. “ Evil don’t die quick” remembering what my daughter had said. Every time in the past, I had dropped everything to make sure she was ok, and she always was. It could wait a day.

Death came swift, there was no extra day. I never got to say goodbye. This time evil did die quick.